Grab The Goat By The What Now?!

So we're laying in bed on this fine Xmas morning 2010, awake after having to change the sheets and blankets after Zac pee'd on Mari while she slept, when for reasons I won't go into out of respect for my wife I had a sudden desire for a bullhorn.

And the following conversation ensued:
Tony: Man I wish I had a bullhorn!
Mari: A what now?!
Tony: The thing you talk into that amplifies the sound... you know when Bart put them all together and caused a big explosion?
Mari: Isn't that called a megaphone?
Tony: Bullhorn is an American term
Mari: Bart called it a megaphone...
Tony: A Southern American term then!
Mari: Why Bullhorn?
Tony: Because it looks like a bulls horn?!
Mari: I've never seen a bull with horns like that...
Tony: If you strap the cone to the side of the bull's head then the handle faces forward like a bull horn.
Mari: looks confused and makes twirling motions with both hands in the air above her.
Tony: you're thinking of a goat dear.
Mari: I'm thinking of a goat!

A HERO

I am a HERO.

What happened?!?! (you may ask...)

Well let me tell you.

On Sunday my Xmas lights were going up. I was We were all very excited! We hadn’t put up lights in over 3 years! And I rock Xmas. So it was especially hard for me.

Tony I happily pulled out the three massive Xmas Decoration boxes from the attic and sorted through it all. I ecstatically went and added to the collection and got it ready for Sunday.

On Sunday Becca and Mat came over to help put it all up. Becca first helped with putting up the internal decorations. The signs and pictures and hanging things. When we were done it looked like Santa had thrown up all over the living room. It was a picture of Xmassy goodness!

And then Mat came over to do the lights, and he and Tony were like machines! They put up heaps of lights on the balcony upstairs, but our step ladder almost ended the happiness of the day.

Mat was standing on the ladder when it decided that enough was enough and suddenly collapsed straight down! In a split moment decision, and knowing I was only wearing socks, I heroically stuck my foot out, imagining the Adamantium running through my veins would be enough to stop the ladder’s descent, but alas no! The ladder continued its journey into oblivion, and with it my beloved brother-in-law, who had the presence of mind to ride the horrible beast to the floor.

And so endeth the tale happily, with Mat still alive and kicking, and coming over next weekend to put the tree up.

And although this tale could have ended so tragically, it did not. Because I am a HERO. A HERO with a bruised foot.

A HERO I say!

Thank you.

The Awful Truth

Mari realised the awful truth of her advancing age tonight.

And in the most heinous of betrayals, this realisation was brought to her by her beloved Days Of Our Lives.

A recently returned character from days long past mentioned that "the last of his kids had gone off to college" and in the midst of chuckling over how fast and loose these daytime soaps play with time her hindbrain completed the calculation, she went deathly pale and a hoarse denial tore itself loose from the pit of her soul, bursting forth from out her mouth in horror and fury.

It had indeed been 20 years since Justin and Adrienne got hitched and started knocking out babies.

Sorry Baby.
Better luck next time?