The Hill Family Blog: The Best and The Worst of Times

It has been a tumultuous few months.

And I have gotten in trouble from mum again for not updating the blog for so long.

So we brought Jordan home from the hospital after 3 weeks, and the first couple of weeks were great. He ate. He slept. He pooped. Not necessarily in that order.

And then the reflux hit. I first noticed the grunting and squirming and hoped that it wasn't. We went through 7 months of reflux with Josie. Surely we wouldn't have to go through it again. No such luck. By about 6 weeks he was fully refluxy. I was still breastfeeding exclusively, and although he wasn't bringing much up, he was screaming from the acid pain.

At that point we put him on Zantac, which is what Josie was on. Unfortunately we didn't see much improvement but we persevered.

At 9 weeks we had his Brit Milah (or circumcision). To help with his recovery we hired a special nurse for the day. The day was quite stressful but we made it through it. Jordan was a trouper and cried for a bit, understandably, and then slept mostly.

When we got home it turned out that the nurse was a reflux specialist and she told us that Zantac was not used anymore because babies got used to it within a week. We took Jordan to a doctor then, who was also recommended for refluxy babies, and he confirmed that Zantac was no longer used, so we moved over to Losec. After a couple of weeks of Losec, and increasing the dose slightly, the doctor referred us to the Paediatrician, who doubled the dose immediately. We are currently still trying to get the dose right.. Jordan is heaps better, he no longer screams in pain, but he does still grunt and strain in his sleep. He has been waking up at about 5am and grunting through his sleep for about two hours before waking up. Of course that means I am awake that whole time. Hopefully we will be past this soon.

At around 9 weeks, the stress of the reflux, and the circumcision, meant that my postnatal depression hit again. I had it with Josie but never really recognized nor treated it. By the time I saw a psych it was all but gone.

This time I recognized it. And I got help. I saw a doctor, and a psych, and got some medication. For a period of about three weeks, every single morning saw me go through panic attack after panic attack. I'd never been through anything like it. Until the meds kicked in, as soon as I woke up in the morning I would be unable to get out of bed, or think, or breathe. My chest would hurt and I would break down in tears and hyperventilation. I was literally catatonic. And I gave up the breastfeeding. By that time Jordan was fussing badly on the boob. Obviously the stress was having an effect on my milk supply. I figured I had made it to 3 months exclusively breastfeeding, which is so much better than with Josie who we comp fed from the beginning.

I was also massively lucky. I had a husband who had been through massive panic attacks, was on meds, and was supportive beyond measure. He took care of Jordan, survived on very little sleep, and coached me through breathing exercises and calming techniques every day. The panic attacks happened every morning and lasted until after lunch, when I could finally think with a clear head.

For three weeks I was unable to function as a human being. It was the most difficult period I had ever experienced. I didn't go anywhere, I didn't see anyone, and I could barely take care of myself.

And then finally the meds kicked in and I started feeling human again. I started having more good mornings than bad and tony was finally able to catch up on some sleep. I am extremely grateful to him for all his help during that horrible horrible time. I am still on the meds and probably will be for several months to come.

So now we are 16 weeks and settled into some sort of routine. Jordan feeds four hourly during the day, and has one night feed around 2-3am which Tony does for me. Although last night he actually went from an 8am feed to 430am!

He is still an easier baby then Josie was. He falls asleep with only a little bit of help, dummy repositioning and some light stroking. When he does cry, it's a pleasant kind of non-piercing cry, quite the opposite of Josie. He has started giving us the most beautiful smiles and laughs. And he is totally and completely a mummy's boy :-)

He loves walks in the pram, he loves sleeping in the car, he adores bathtime and he is starting to grab small objects. He is a calm baby who will happily sit in someone's lap or arms without fussing and he has started to coo and make all sorts of different sounds.

And my god the boy is a chubber. He is my little Buddah! In three weeks he put on 1.5kg, and then the next 2 weeks another 500g. He is now 6kg and has oodles of rolls on his arms and legs, as well as a multitude of chins!

It's such a new thing having a baby in the house again. I am so unused to it. A very big adjustment, but well worth it.

As for Josie, well she is a handful to say the least. She is starting year 4 this year, has just turned 9 and is a very independent and strong willed girl.

She has spent most of the holidays playing with the kids from the complex, as well as being very involved with her new little brother. She is obsessed with him, to the point of insanity. She carries him around, helps with bath time, nappy changes, dummy duty and generally wants to be involved in everything to do with him. She loves him to distraction.

Bath time is especially fun. Jordan just loves his bath!

As for me and my weight loss, well it's still inching down. I am weighing less now than when I met Tony I think. I've lost 65.5kg now and am feeling fantastic. I bought my very first skirt in decades a few weeks ago. And a couple of new swimsuits, which for the first time, I wear with some pride and very little self consciousness!