Today is our 13th Wedding Anniversary.
I never really feel very big emotion around this day. This day each year for me is really a reminder that, what to me is, the important day is approaching. And THAT day is the anniversary of the day Mari and I became a couple, five years before we were ultimately wed.
From the day we became a couple we lived as a married one. We immediately shared a bed and a room (and later a house) at Uni, we shared our finances, we shared our lives 24/7 from minute one. And for nearly 18 years so far.
We got really good at being a couple, at being a single unit with a common goal. And then we got good at driving each other batshit. And 17.5 years later we're still working on getting good at not driving each other batshit. So it's a work in progress, but what in life isn't? And who else would I choose to drive me batshit? I wouldn't choose anyone else to NOT drive me batshit. So I'm definitely not going to put up with the crap I do for anyone else. Except our daughter... who seems to have figured out exactly what it is about each of us that annoys the other and tries valiantly to emulate those qualities as often as inhumanly possible.
But I digress. The point is that my life with my lovely wife is one that, no matter the ups or the downs, I have never wished were with another. I have never wished for a change at bat. 'Cos who else could possibly be better to share it with than she? Even when she is the cause of the upheaval her companionship gets me through it.
She often used to ask me why I loved her. And all I could say was "I don't know, I just do.". Which as you know, is not what a woman wants to hear in response to that question. And she would ask "why? You're often angry with me, I'm not beautiful [she is -ed], etc etc etc". I never had a good answer. Until now. It's because I was born with my heart outside my body (not literally in case any medically knowledgeable people are reading). But I found it 18 years ago on a train to Wollongong. And I grabbed on tight and I'll never let it go.
When the anniversary of that day comes in April this year I will have spent half of my life with and half without the love of my life.
And the ONLY thing I regret, enough to want to go back and change it, in this life is that she wasn't there with me the whole time.
I love you because you are my heart. And I need my heart to go on living.
I love you Baby.
Tony
