Dropping Like Flies

Josie lost her second tooth on Sunday!

She now has a huge gap at the bottom of her mouth! And the new tooth coming through from the first lost one is clearly visible and peeking out!

Waaaaa !

In Threes..

Back when Tony had his operation, which was shortly followed by my mum having her thyroid out, my sister said to me that these things happen in threes.

I poo poo'd her.

So Tony is fine, his scars are healed and he is having 6 monthly skin specialist checkups (when he remembers to make his appointment!).

Mum is recovering from her surgery nicely. It was difficult the first few days post op, getting her calcium dosage right, the scar healing, the nausea and tiredness. Now she is doing better and the pathology on the thyroid came back non-cancerous. Excellent.

So that was two.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce number three.

Last Thursday, when preparing to go see mum in hospital, I was carrying some bags into the house, when I lost my footing, my ankle gave way and I fell (typically) face first, arms (typically) above my head, with an earth-shattering kaboom!

A bit shaky, got up and went inside and didn't think anything more of it (well except that Mat and Tony would piss themselves that I fell, and kick themselves that they missed it!). I felt a bit achy but I figured it was shock, and a badly grazed knee.

I went to the hospital and sat around with mum, dad and Vika waiting for them to take her to surgery. I started telling them about my fall (only cause I suddenly remembered about it when my grazed knee kept rubbing against the inside of my jeans), and suddenly realised that it hurt when I laughed. In fact it was hurting when I took a deep breath in.

I toyed for a while about popping into emergency for them to check me out but figured even if my ribs were fractured, the best they could do was give me some panadeine forte. So I bravely took the pain and tried to ignore it.

That night was horrific. Not only could I not sleep on my left side at all, but I couldn't lie flat on my back either. I thought I was going to go crazy. Every time I moved or turned or twitched I would wake up in agony. So Friday I decided to stay home and recuperate.

Friday night I was feeling a bit better so I decided to join Tony and Josie at our usual Friday night at Mat & Wendy's place.

By Saturday morning I was feeling much better, well not much, but not in constant agony. I just had to hold myself together a bit if I needed to cough or sneeze. Josie had a double birthday party Saturday afternoon and for a while I thought I would take her, but Tony agreed to take her instead because he thought I should be resting. I stayed in my armchair for most of the day and did my usual grocery shopping online. I did sneak out to get fruit and vegetables and deli stuff though. That was a bit of a mistake it seems.

Saturday night was again horrible and Sunday, while everyone went off to Grandma Trudy's, I again stayed home and tried to rest.

Monday I went back to work.. and well.. worked. Its a desk job, its not like I was doing anything strenuous.

On Wednesday afternoon, my body decided to punish me.

The pain from my ribs started to increase again, exponentially. To the point where I was considering, well Tony was considering, taking me to emergency. I decided to go to the Doctors the next morning to potentially get an Xray. That night I almost cried. After most of the night waking in agony again, I gave up and at 5am went to sit in my armchair and try to sleep there. At least I was upright.

I managed to doze on and off till about 7am when Tony started getting Josie ready for school.

At about 930am I went off to the North Shore to my doctors. They had no appointments available but very nicely squeezed me in. Robert listened to my sob story, felt me over, and told me that he wasn't sending me for an Xray. An Xray wouldn't show any fractures because the pain seemed to be too far down the rib cage.

He was sending me to get a CAT scan, because he was worried I had ruptured my spleen.

Huh?!

So an emergency scan was booked at Royal North Shore Private at 145pm. I had hours to kill though. I rang Tony who also listened to my sob story, although very attentively, and then told me to go home, he would meet me at the house and take me back to the North Shore for the scan.

Robert told me that if they found that my spleen was damaged they would admit me there and then. I took my Doomachka (little square pillow that my family have always used on top of the normal pillow, its a little Kleytman quirk, like calling eachother across noisy shops by going TSSSSS!).

The scan was unpleasant. First they made me put on this dark blue, what felt like paper, gown, which didn't tie up very well in back, and sit in the waiting room, with an old man in a wheelchair.

Unpleasant.

They then took me in, put me flat (and in pain!!) on this long table and injected me with this dye stuff that made me feel all hot and like I was going to pee my pants. Then they rolled me on this table through this round circle thing (think Stargate!) where I had to hold my breath longer than was comfortable!

Unpleasant.

Luckily it only took about 15 minutes all up.

After finding Tony, we went and had some lunch in the cafe, and waited for the results.

The results came back good. Spleen all good. Not even any fractures seen. Must be one hell of a good bruise.

So then Tony took me home, with strict instructions not to let me do anything, or go to work till at least Monday. That was yesterday.

So today I was home again, and giving this rest and recuperation thing a determined whirl. And all I wanna do is go back to work. I am SO bored. Tivo is all caught up and I have nothing to watch!

And that folks, was number three.

Hopefully I won't have anything that exciting to report for a while now..

Mummy's Baby Teeth

So here they are.. again.. and some close ups..

Its funny seeing the fillings.. these days they are white.. and if you look closely, some of the teeth had split before my dad glued them back together.

I can't wait to see Josie's teeth all set up.. in my set, dad had glued the teeth on in an exact replica of a jaw.. the top and bottom teeth both match up, the molars fit together.. its awesome ;-)

There also used to be some foam eyes, nostrils and a red tongue stuck on, eons ago ;-)

All I Want For Xmas....

... is my two front teeth!

My baby lost her first tooth today! It was her bottom left tooth and it had been wobbling really badly for a couple of weeks now.

Anyone who knows me will not be surprised that I have a little obsession with her not losing her baby teeth.


When I was a kid, my dad collected all my baby teeth, took an old jewelry box, filled the top and bottom with foam, and glued my baby teeth to it, to form a jaw. I still have it (and will update with a photo next week after I get it back from the GM of my department who insisted he had to take it home over the weekend to show his family because he had never seen anything like it.. long story).

And here is a photo of it:

Anyway, I want my dad to do the same thing with Josie's teeth. So its imperative that she not lose any.

So today Tony needed to buy some pants, so he took her to Bondi Westfield to do some shopping. I had to do grocery shopping so I didn't go.

Apparently he was standing at an ATM when Josie said "Uhh Daddy, my tooth is sideways!". Tony had a look and it was indeed sideways and hanging on by a thread, so he grabbed hold of it and yanked it out. Josie didn't scream, didn't cry, she was just SO incredibly excited and was just jumping up and down.

So we now have our first tooth safely in her tooth container, which is a little pewter dish with a lid that has a ballerina on it.

As Josie is sleeping at Baba's tonight, the Tooth Fairy is going to wait till tomorrow night to come visit, cause well, she doesn't know where Baba lives. Tonight however, the Tooth Fairy brought her a big black fish for her aquarium. She won't know till she gets home tomorrow.

We were talking to her in the car on the way to Baba's..

Becca: What do you think the Tooth Fairy is going to bring you for your tooth?
Josie: Money!
Becca: How much do you reckon you'll get?
Josie: 20 BUCKS!
Mummy: Thats a pretty expensive tooth... geez...

Its a MAAADHOUSE I tell ya!

Ok so now that I have been fully shamed into updating the blog.. here's the long awaited update.

Lets start with Tony's update.

He had his operation.. the skin cancer was cut out and the pathology report said there was no more skin cancer left. Woohoo! Now he has this scar.. it looks like a paddle.. he's like my very own.. pirate ;-)

But he's fine. Checkups every 6 months. And I'm relieved.


And the other big news.. well after getting a fairly nice tax return this year, we decided to get a Wii. Mainly because I wanted a Wii Fit, as a new and fun way to get exercising, but also cause.. well.. its cool ;-)

So once we had the money safely in our account I started looking around for good deals.. including Ebay.

You know, I remember Ebay a few years ago, and you really could get a good deal.. those days are over.. people are selling things over retail price, plus some! Its insane.

So anyway, I found that Kmart and Big W had their half yearly sales on, so all excited I rang around to see what deals they had. Unfortunately they were all sold out! But Target's big half yearly sale didn't start till the week after, which was last week.

So all excited, on Thursday morning, I stand, front and centre, in front of the closed Target doors, at 745am.

A M !!!!

So I'm standing there, and around me are about 30 people, and that number is increasing steadily. 75% of the people around me, are mothers, both hands firmly gripping shopping trolleys in front of them, their posture in the 'Ready, Set, GO!' position. (I can almost hear motors revving!)

Looking around, I feel very.. intimidated. Suddenly, my heart constricts, as I realise, that I don't actually know how to get to the electronics dept. I usually just wander around.. but wandering is for the losers who dont get their Wii Fit!! Luckily, right near the unopened Target doors, is a store map. I surreptitiously stroll forward to check out my route.

Route firmly in mind, I stand, ready to bolt.

I wait. I glance at my wrist watch. Its 755am. 5 minutes. Its tense. I look around. I scope out the competition. I inch forward.

Suddenly the doors start to rise! You can cut the tension with a knife.

I inch forward.

The doors are half way when a bunch of mid 20's make a break for it under the doors. The mothers with the trolleys growl and hiss after them.

And then we're off.

I got to the Electronics dept in record speed. But I was still about 10th in line. They had two registers open, and behind the desk were two huge metal cages, which I soon discovered were full of Wii bundles, DS bundles, PS bundles and Wii Fits!

I got to the counter and ordered my Wii Bundle and two Wii Fits (one was for a friend at work) and then smugly sauntered off with my trolley chockers full of Wii goodness ;-)

So then I looked around for a bit, before remembering that I was meant to get the Wii Play too because it comes with a remote and we wanted two remotes. So I look around, before it dawns on me, in a horrifying way, that the Wii Play, you also have to line up for.

I look at the line.

I groan.

I get in line.

Again.

Aaaanyway, long story kinda shorter, I get my Wii paraphernalia and then go off to work, to spend the rest of the day desperately trying to concentrate on something other than the Wii stuff in my boot!

The Wii Fit is sooo much fun! I love it!

And the other games I got in the bundles, Wii Sports, Lego Star Wars and Wii Play are all awesome too. Josie just loves the Star Wars game, although listening to her and her father play together sets my teeth on edge.

I have uploaded a bunch of photos to Flickr, so check them out. Oh and I am going to update Mat's post about the Ice Skating with some photos in a minute.. so check that again..

So thats that.. my update is done. Happy!?

Josie On Ice!

Ok since Mari is being lazy, I will tell of last weekend's exploits. At least those I was privy to. A couple weeks ago I suddenly was reminded that I hadn't been ice-skating in a while. No doubt a combination of seeing our cousin Jacqui (with whom I'd last gone ice-skating), and the current cold weather. And it also occurred to me that as far as I knew, Josie had never been.

So last Sunday we all went: Ant, Mari, Josie, Jacqui, Philip, Rebecca and Wendy and I. Being over five months pregnant, Wendy came to observe.

Now I expected that Jo would feel intimidated by the crowd of people. That she'd not like the cold of the ice rink. That she'd have the usual troubles first-timers have with ice-skating. That basically we'd be lucky if she gave it a go and then called it quits. Could ... not ... get ... her ... off ... the ... ice. She loved it!

She was nervous. Until the last half hour she wanted one of us on each side of her, holding both hands. But she was like the energiser bunny and Jacqui and Rebecca had to do a tag team thing as the second support person, while I was more or less in for the duration. In the last half hour Josie was feeling a little more confident and consented to skate around with just Rebecca or I holding one hand. She even went in a limbo competition - with her helpers in tow of course.

She'll need proper lessons before she'll master skating on her own but she looked like skating could be something she could really get into.

Mari, get into gear and post the photos.

(Ed: Yes dear.. ;-)

Jam Packed Few Days

Firstly, Happy Birthday to my dad, who is a sprightly 35 today. He is too! Really!

So a recap of the last few days.

On Saturday I had the onerous task of buying three, yes THREE birthday presents for Sunday. Thats two birthday parties for 3 kids!

So most of the day was taken up with present, and grocery shopping. I got some nice presents and then headed home to do my annual filing.

Throughout the year, documents pile up on the filing cabinet, until July-ish when I file everything away and prepare our documents for the accountant to do our taxes returns. This turned out to be a long and boring task which I happily finished about 2 hours later.

Meanwhile, Tony was cleaning out the spare room, finally! That took most of the afternoon, and now we can actually open the door, and walk into the room!! Woohoo!!

Sunday was long. The first party was for one of Josie's best friend's, Cade. Cade is about 6 months older than Josie, so she turned 6, and her party was at Plaster Master. Josie had a lovely time, and it was also the first time I did a drop off at a party. All the parents left so I did too, and went to mum & dad's for about an hour (where they had a secret stash of pickled tomatoes !!!) and then picked her up. She had ended up painting a plaster Princess, what a surprise!

After that it was straight to the next party at a park. This one was for two of Josie's friends, Ariel and Lily. This was a boisterous party, where there was a man, who turned himself into a clown and proceeded to teach the kids to juggle. This was also a great party and Josie had a ball.

During these two parties, I was approached by four other mums with suggestions for playdates. Next week is gonna be busy I think!

Monday was a normal working day, Josie was at Granny's, and went on a trip to the hairdresser and had her fringe cut, and her hair trimmed.

Which brings us to today.

Today was a very long day. Tony and I had the day off work, for reasons which will become apparently shortly. And Josie had a playdate set up with Cade. And another first, a drop off playdate. We were eternally grateful to Cade's mum, Basha, for taking Josie all day. Josie had a fabulous time, and was just raving about what a great time she had.

So a few weeks ago Tony went to see a skin specialist about a red welt that has been on the side of his head, near his ear, for the last few years, on and off. There was a biopsy done, and it was diagnosed as a skin cancer [Nodular Basal Cell Carcinoma -Ed]. This totally flipped me out and I had a semi nervous breakdown. After I recovered from the shock, Tony organised for the welt to be removed. That was today.

He had day surgery this morning where they cut out all of the cancer, and he will forever more have sexy scars on the side of his head. Awesome! ;-) [Er, hopefully not. That was the whole point of using a plastic surgeon instead of my Dermatologist (who is also a surgeon) -Ed]

Tony is fine now, out of the anesthesia, and on basic Panadol and Neurofen. We are now waiting for the pathology reports, which will report... something [Hopefully that there are no cancer cells around the outer edges of the volume they removed -Ed].

So that was our last few days..

Again, Happy birthday dad!

Movin' On Up

When I first started at my present job, in Dec 06, there were rumours flying around that the company was thinking of moving. They had outgrown the current premises and they were on the lookout to move.

Well that happened last weekend.

Over the last 18 months lots happened to prepare us all for the move. There was a website set up with great bits of information about the new sites (two sites, one for the office, one for the warehouse), colour schemes, floor plans, information about the area, and neighbours. It was awesome.

The office block we have moved into is brand new, only just finished being built. Ten floors (of which we have floors 5 to 9), and we share the building with one other major company and a small one that is on the 10th floor.

I am on the 8th floor, with amazing views of Sydney Airport, Port Botany and the eastern suburbs. Over the last week we have seen countless planes in the sky, and awesome weather changes. The floor is bright yellow, which is ok. Certainly better than the flouro orange that the 6th floor is.

We were told to leave all desktop accessories. We got all new things, including a new flat panel monitor (finally!). And the building has a small gym, and allocated parking (which we do pay a small amount for each month).

Its just awesome.

We have gone from a dark, dingy, 3 floor building, to a bright, fresh, new 10 story building. Awesome!

This job just keeps getting better and better ;-)

Sleeping With The Cat

Over the last couple of weeks Zakhari has taken to sleeping with Josie.


We are all really pleased this has happened. When we used to cat sit for my sister when I was a kid I used to love sleeping with him. And I love the thought of Zak curling up with Josie.

As long as he doesn't pee in the bed!! ;-)

Heres some photos..

The Kitten and the Ambulance

Taking Josie to school this morning we pulled up next to an Ambulance.

Mari: Jose, do you know what that is?

Josie: Its a pom-pom (her standard answer for when she doesn't know something)

Mari: Thats an Ambulance.

Josie: Ohh

Mari: Do you know what an Ambulance does?

Josie: It goes eeee-awwwwweee-awwww..

Mari: And what does it carry?

Josie: [without missing a beat] Pizza.

And on a completely different note, a short time later, we're driving past a huge African American dude in a beanie and long trench coat (lookin' kinda tough, you know?), walking along the footpath carrying a bag, a jumper and an umbrella. All of a sudden, I see him jump into the air, give a shout and brandish his umbrella at something as if it was a sword. All afire with curiosity, I look to see what had terrified the man so.

A little black and white kitten was standing on a small wall, fur upright, hissing at him.

Eurovision '08

Our annual Eurovision Night was a little different this year.

We went to Mat & Wendy's place for dinner, and to introduce them to the joys of Eurovision. They were Eurovision virgins prior to this night, so it was all that more special ;-)

I will let Mat describe the wonderment that was that night, but for us, once again Eurovision rocks!

I must say that the caliber of acts were not up to the previous couple of years, but it was still great ;-) The voting was nail biting, Greece being ahead for most of the time, and Russia only taking the lead at the end.

Politically motivated voting was rife, as always, and Terry Wogan was brilliant, also as always ;-)

Serbia put on a great show and I can't wait till next year in Moscow!

There's always more..

Driving Josie to work this morning she was practicing her counting (missing a few numbers, but thats ok).

I was trying hard to hear the radio..

Josie: [counting, counting] Mum..
Mari: Yep?
Josie: Is there more?
Mari: Of what?
Josie: I got to 129.. is there more?
Mari: [laughing] yes dear, much more..
Josie: [Sighs in defeat]

Conversations With 5 Year Olds

Josie has discovered the wonderment of using a telephone.

As you may have noticed by the last post, she loves making calls. And she knows my mobile number. This makes trying to work a little difficult.

Josie has been a bit sick since the weekend. On Saturday she woke up with a sore throat, and then on Sunday she had a 39 degree fever. Hence it was decided to keep her home. On Monday she spent the day with Baba, and today she was with Granny.

So today I get a phone call from my daughter.

Mari: Hello?
Josie: Mum?
Mari: Yes?
Josie: Listen, Granny is being mean. I want to go to [muffled sound]

I need to explain at this point that Josie doesn't yet know how to hold the phone properly. She holds it far too close to her mouth and speaks far too loudly, which makes her very hard to understand.

Mari: You want to go to what??
Josie: [muffled sound with an exclamation]
Mari: I can't understand you Jose, you need to hold the phone further from your mouth and speak quieter.
Josie: I want to go to [mflflfthf]
Mari: Josie, give the phone to Granny.
Josie: No.
Mari: Well I can't understand you.
Josie: Ok fine!
Granny: Hello?
Mari: She is holding the phone incorrectly, I can't make out what she is saying.
Granny: I know.
Mari: You need to show her how to hold the phone.
Granny: I will.
Mari: Where does she want to go?
Granny: Phillipa's house. [Next door neighbour] Phillipa was sitting outside in the backyard and Henry [her son, born a week before Josie] is sick and is at home today too. Josie wants to go over there but I have said no.
Mari: Right, can you show her how to hold the phone properly and I will talk to her.
[Granny shows Josie how to hold the phone]
Josie: Mum? [Slightly more coherent]
Mari: Yes?
Josie: Granny won't let me go to Phillipa's.
Mari: I know. You can't go to Phillipa's because Henry is sick, and you are sick, and I don't want you getting sicker.
Josie: I am NOT sick!
Mari: You were sick, but you are a lot better now, but Henry is sick, and I don't want you catching anything from him.
Josie: Mum! I am NOT sick!
Mari: Ok, I know you are not, but Henry IS!
Josie: [Silence]
Josie: Ok FINE!
Mari: [Inner triumph!]
Mari: Right, now give the phone to Granny.
Josie: No.
Mari: Josie I need to speak to Granny, and I need to get back to work.
Josie: FINE! But I am going to call you later!
Mari: [Laughing] Ok!

So she gives the phone to Granny, we talk and then I go back to work.

About two hours later, I get another call.

Mari: Hello?
Josie: Mum?
Mari: Yes?
Josie: Granny is messy! And Rascal.. is crazy!
Mari: [burst out laughing] Yes, ok, but Jose, I cant be talking to you all day, I have to work!
Josie: But I told you I would call you later!
Mari: I know, but this isn't that much later!
Josie: MUM!!!
Mari: Ok, is there anything else you would like to tell me?
Josie: Uhm.. no..
Mari: Ok, then give the phone to Granny.
Josie: No.
Mari: Josie..
Josie: FINE!

Another quick chat and I was back to work..

A few hours later, my phone rings again..

Mari: Hello?
Josie: Mum?
Mari: Yes... ?
Josie: Now that Granny is not being Bossy... [click]

The phone goes dead.. I wait with baited breath..

[Ring...]

Mari: Hello?
Josie: Mum?
Mari: Yessss...... ?
Josie: Mum, as I was saying.. I took that thing out of my ear.. you know that thing.. what is it called?
Mari: Uhm.. the phone?
Josie: No Mum [exasperated], I don't put the phone IN my ear.. [I could just feel her rolling her eyes at me]..
Mari: Uhm.. the thing to hear the phone? Are you talking about the headset?
Josie: No mum! You know. The thing!
Mari: Jose, I have no idea what you are talking about.
Josie: [deep sigh, obviously Mummy is not firing on all cylinders]

{Slight detour here, I just turned to Tony cause I couldn't remember what the end of that expression was, firing on all.. ?, I thought it was firing on all fours, this led to about 5 minutes of hysterics from myself and Tony.. and now on with the story}

Josie: [Implied anyway..] It was a hundred and four..
Granny: [in the background] Don't tell your mother that, she'll be in hysterics! And it was a hundred POINT four!
Mari: Oh right! You are talking about the thermometer!
Josie: Yes! I was a hundred point four!
[Mummy twigs that this is probably in farenheit]
[Mummy sets about finding out what 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit is in Celsius, turns out to be 38 degrees]
Granny: [in the background] Josie, you are ok.
Josie: I am NOT ok! I am 100.4!
Mari: Uhm 38, thats not so good.. Josie tell Granny thats not so good.
Josie: Granny, its 38! Its not so good!
Mari: Ok Jose, its time to give the phone to Granny.
Josie: Fine!
Granny: The thermometer seems to be stuck in Fahrenheit and I don't know how to fix it.
Mari: So it might not even be 100.4? How does she feel?
Granny: She feels fine.

And so endeth the phone call.

A little bonus, Granny tells me she has been very talkative all day. Nothing new there:

Josie: Granny, I am NOT impressed with your behaviour!

Josie seems to be ok now. Hopefully will go to school tomorrow. They have an excursion tomorrow so hopefully she will be ok to go to that.

And now for a word from Tony..

Voicemail From a 5 Year Old
======================

One on my mobile:

Josie: Huh?!
Granny: You have to leave a message.
Josie: Ok well let's leave a message [in a tone to mean: "Well if you know what we have to do why aren't we doing it already?!?"]
Granny: You can't now, you've got to press..
Josie: >click<

One on my work VM:

Josie: [clearly infuriated] That! Lady is STUPIDDDD!
Granny: [patiently] It's not a lady it's a recorded message
Josie: >click<

I'm awesome!... or not.
=================

I recently decided to break my self-imposed ban on playing one of Josie's games on the DS. It's called Wario World Touched and I had heretofore resisted it because it is a collection of simple intuitive games of the type that I generally ridicule Mari for playing and didn't want to:

a) give up this favorite past-time or
b) give her the ammo to return fire.

Also I knew I would become addicted to it.

Unable to stop, despite the screams emanating from the little barred and locked room in the dark recesses of my soul in which the emaciated form of my free-will lays imprisoned; casualty of the consumer-wars.

So I'm playing this stoopid game and at first it's kicking my ass (I'm lame) but no damned machine is going to beat me!!! (I bare the scars psychological of a prolonged stint in software support) so I knuckle down and slowly the tide starts to turn until finally I claw my wretched and unwilling way to the Boss Level where upon I am presented with..... a bunch of little flies... no they're too small for flies... gnats.. a bunch of gnats I have to squish with the stylus without hitting the screen too much because each hit makes the "glass" "crack" and if you hit it to often it will smash and you lose.

Well I squished the ever-luvin' crap outta those damned gnats. HA! Boss my ass! At which point I raised my voice in victory and shouted my triumph into the wind (Josie has been self-amusingly flatulent lately)!

Tony: I'm AWESOME!!!!!
Josie: [immediately, with emasculating matter-of-factness and without even looking up from what she is doing] No you're not.

And there was silence but for the barely audible sobs from the darkness beyond the bars.

For an artist's representation of the above scenario, see below.

Dinner & A Phone Call To Remember

Last night Tony and I joined Ines, David, Harri & Family at a Turkish Restaurant for dinner to celebrate Harri's birthday.

Dinner was delicious and the company was lovely.

It has been fantastic catching up with Harri, and meeting Ella, and seeing Harri's family again. Ella is just so gorgeous and always smiling.

So last night, Josie stayed at Baba's overnight and all day today.

Around mid-morning I get a phone call, that goes something like this:

Josie: I want you to tell uhm somebody to check on Becca.. and if you go see Becca after work and tell me its ok, can you let me see her?
Mari: Sure honey, I will call Becca and see how she is and we will see if we can go see her on the way home.
Josie: And can you see if the wii is working.. and I need to let you know, I.. need to tell Baba something and its a secret and its not for Baba, its for me..
Mari: Uh huh...
Josie: the secret is.. dont tell Baba.. tell Baba not to tell you too.. not do nothing to me.. not even be rude.. not be wrong or be right.. im going to be right.. and next time im gonna be rude..
Mari: Uh huh.. [getting distracted here amongst the ramblings..]
Josie: mum.. arent you at work already ??
Mari: yes I am..
Josie: when are you going to come?
Mari: 6-630
Josie: I have this little baby and she is always silly and always naughty.. well besides me.. and she cries and cries and bites me..
Mari: ok..
Josie: Can you tell baba a secret?
Mari: Uhh sure.. what is it?
Josie: I love you and Baba.. and daddy and everyone.. BABA!!! Mummy has to tell you something.. here's Baba Mummy.. you tell her..
Mari: Uhm Josie loves you and me and daddy and everyone..
Baba: Great! Now Josie, you come eat...

lol..

Josie-isms Part The Whatever-We-Were-Up-To

On Saturday night, Ant, Mari, Jo, Mum and our cousin Martin and his daughter Maddison came over for dinner. Jo and Maddy had met once before and gotten on very well but hadn't seen each other since, and it'd been a year I guess. So there was some initial shyness but pretty soon there was giggling and tickling, playing of XBOX games and the usual carry on that you get with young children. And they got on like a house on fire.

I cooked leg of lamb for dinner, which Maddy ate and I'm hoping the concept of eating the same food the grown-ups eat will rub off on Jo before the sixth birthday deal. Maddy wasn't so sure about the sweet potato but then it took me some years to appreciate it too.

Later we were watching DVD's, Josie laying against me and Maddy laying against Josie. Maddy had the hiccups, and periodically would shudder a bit as a hiccup hit her. After a short while Josie whispered, "Mad ... Mad! .. I'm not a trampoline you know."

Such indignities are not to be borne after all. *grin*

A good night was to be had by all, finished off with a delicious dessert which Marty brought with him. I'm not sure what it was but it involved chocolate in copious amounts, and berries on top - which Josie proceeded to relieve everyone of.

Those Were The Days..

By Tony.

The days of Josie accepting any story I tell her are over.

About two years ago she figured out that my 'Princess Josephine' stories were nothing more than chastisement in pretty wrappers and now she has started to criticise my choice of material and demand immediate rectification and improvement.

Tonight I was reading from a Golden Book of bedtime stories all about bunnies, and after the first bunny story and a poem about bunnies, I got only one paragraph into the second story when Josephine decided she has had enough of bunnies and wanted one of daddy's tales and the following exchange occurred:

Josie [interrupting the story being read]: Daaaad...
Tony: Yes Josephine?
Josie: Can you tell me a story and I'll go to sleep?
Tony: [Confused]
Tony: Thats what we're doing.. I'm reading you a story, and I want you to go to sleep..
Josie: uhh I've got a better idea.. you TELL me a story while I go to sleep...
Tony: [Very confused]
Tony: Thats what I'm doing [pointing to the book]. This is a story, I'm telling you a story! Please go to sleep..
Josie: No.. one of YOUR stories..
Tony: Ahhh.. fine..
[Puts down the book, turns the light off..]
Tony: Once upon a time, in a land far far away, in a small garden, beside a castle, beside a lake, there lived a family of bunnies.. and there was Mummy Bunny, and Daddy Bunny, and little Josie Bunny, and they lived in a small garden beside a castle in which lived Daddy King, Mummy Queen and a Princess Josephine, who had two pet dragons, Zak...
Josie: Daaaad...
Tony: Yes Josephine?
Josie: Do it cats.
Tony: Huh?
Josie: Make it cats instead of dragons.
Tony: What? Why? She has dragons..
Josie: Nooo.. I dont want dragons. I dont like dragons..
Tony: What do you mean? You have two stuffed dragons right next to you.. you loved the dragon that used to hang over your cot..
Josie [interrupting again]: yehhh... but I dont like dragons anymore
Tony: Dragons are cool!
Josie: They're not
Tony: Dragons are awesome!
Josie: Nooo... they breathe fire and burn people up and they eat people..
Tony: Not all dragons.. there's good dragons too.. Only the bad dragons hurt people..
Josie: Weeeeell... if I hurt a good dragon... it would burn me..
Tony: Well don't hurt it then... ?
Josie: Just make it cats. [rolls her eyes, tolerating no more of daddy's backchat]
Tony: Fine.
Tony: A long time ago, in a forest far far away, there lived a family, in a cottage...
Josie [interrupting again]: Noooo...
Tony: What?
Josie: They live in a castle!
Tony: No.. she has dragons! You wanted cats. The girl in the forest has cats.
Josie: Ugghhhhhh....
Tony: Just lie down and listen to your story.. [tolerating no more of Josie's backchat]
Tony: As I was saying.. there was a daddy and a mummy and a little girl Josephine, and her two cats, Zak and Zelli. Daddy was a woodcutter and every day he went out into the forest and cut some wood... and sold it to people. (Not being arsed to go describing any complex system of villages or fairs where wood may or may not be sold, as inevitably this would draw some kind of criticism from the 5 year old peanut gallery). Mummy baked pies all day, and made dinner, and... did stuff around the house. And the little girl Josephine and her cats played in the garden and ran along the banks of the river that ran through the woods and past the house. And they ran through the field past the house chasing butterflies.
Josie: Cats don't chase butterflies.
Tony: *groan* Jesus Christ! How do you know??
Josie: I know.
Tony: [&*%$*&^] Finukan! (I yelled, but only in my head, gritting my teeth and twitching).
Tony: These cats chase butterflies.
Tony: And they jumped over the river, it was a thin river (before she has a chance to object) and...
Josie: Daaad...
Tony: what!?
Josie: Can you do it not Josephine? Its annoying when you keep putting me in it!
Tony: What?
Josie: Its annoying. Always having Josephine in it..
Tony: But..
Tony: But..
Tony: Mhmmm (whimpers).. ok.. fine..
Tony: A long time ago, in a mountain far far away, there lived a race of gnomes who dug into the roots and depths of the mountain and dug rocks and jewels out of the mountain, and gold and... sold them to people nd became very wealthy. And they built roads and galleries and caverns and mines and they were happy. And one day there was born a young gnome who didn't want to live in the mountain. He wanted to see the light and feel the sun shine upon his face. He wanted to feel the grass underneath his feet, smell the wild flowers that grew in the valley beyond the mountain and watch the wild horses run. But his father said that he could not leave the mountain as it was dangerous out there and he would get hurt. That he should stay where it was safe among his people. And the young gnome was sad and wandered uncaring through the dark caverns of the mountain, and his father was sad to see his son so. And finally one day he said to him, "Son you must leave this place and go out into the valley and do as you would. Take this cloak, it will make you invisible to the dangers beyond the..."
Josie: Dad, this is a scary story.
Tony: Wait, let me finish. It gets better.
Josie: Aallriiiight...
Tony: Thank you.

[At this point I take no responsibility for the drivel ahead. Suffice to say, she fell asleep, sometime early on I would imagine. Ed. (Mari)]

Tony: And he put on the cloak and was happy and his father said, "Come back after a time and tell us what you have found." And the young gnome said "I will return after one year and bring news of all that I have discovered". And hugging his father, the young gnome ran to the front gates of the mountain and hesitated on the doorstep, wondering what he should do first, whether to go down to the river, or to the wildflowers, or seek out the wild horses. He decided to go down to the wildflowers first, and he smelled the wild flowers and eventually he tripped and fell into the flowers, disturbing a swarm of bees that were feasting on the flowers nectar. They gave an angry Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, and the young gnome said "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, I tripped". But the bees weren't listening, and with an angry Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, they chased him from the flower bed and stung him on the bottom. And they chased him all the way until he had to jump into the river to escape them. And the river flowed swiftly and bore him away until he entered the woods and finally could pull himself from the river by the roots of the trees that stood by it. And the young gnome was cold and wet and had a sore bottom and so he walked back out of the forest, seeking the sunlight to dry his clothes. And he sat on a large rock and let the sun dry his clothes and warm him once more. And he bathed his bottom oin the river once more and the cool waters soothed the sting until it hurt him no more. Then he climbed back onto the rock to enjoy some more sun.

A rumbling caused him to turn and he saw the wild horses of the valley running towards his rock and the vibration of their hooves caused him to lose his balance and as the lead horse came past the rock, its tail swished out and smacked him in the face and he fell over backwards back into the river, hitting his head on the rock as he fell. And he was borne once more into the forest. Dragging himself out again he decided to explore the forest, as the valley had proven dangerous, as his father had warned. He walked and he walked until night began to fall and he became afraid and thought he had better get out of the forest and get back to the valley lest some forest creature attacked him. He turned and began to run back the way he had come. After a little while he heard a noise behind him, and turning saw the gleaming eyes, and large teeth of a wolf chasing him. Screaming he ran faster than ever until at least he burst form the forest into the light of the last rays of the sun. Turning once more he saw that it was in fact a large squirrel that had been chasing him. And he shook his fist at it and said accusingly "You scared me!". And the squirrel said "Its not my fault you thought I was a wolf, I just wanted to get a drink from the river". And he went down to the river, took a long drink and ran back into the forest.

With no shelter in the valley, the young gnome looked towards the mountain, and wondered whether he should go back and give up on his dreams of the outside world. But he though, "No! I should not give up. Nothing too bad has happened to me after all. Maybe I should just try again using the knowledge I have gained, to avoid the same mistakes." So the gnome turned back and re-entered the forest, looking for a tree with a nice wide branch covered in leaves to sleep on. Finding one, he climbed up and went to sleep.

He awoke the next morning to find the squirrel, sitting on the branch looking at him. "Good morning" said the squirrel. "Who are you?". And the young gnome told him all about his story. "You can't live in the trees for long" said the squirrel. "You will need to go back to the valley and build a house. Winter will come soon and it will be too cold to be without shelter." "how will I build a house?" Said the young gnome. I have nothing to cut trees with. The squirrel said "You're too small for cutting trees. You just need to find some sticks of appropriate size and I will cut them to the right length with my sharp teeth for you. And then we will use vines for rope to tie the sticks together to make a wood house." And so they dragged large sticks out of the forest and the gnome found vines while the squirrel cut the sticks with his teeth and they lashed the sticks together to make walls and the walls together to make a house and roof. And the squirrel said "And you will need a fire to keep warm, but you will need stone to keep the fire form burning down the house. So you will need to get river stones... from the river." "But the current is too swift" said the gnome. "Maybe we could tie a vine around your waist and around the rock, and that will stop the river from taking you away." So they did this and after many hours of jumping into the river and hauling rocks out they had enough and built a chimney and fireplace in the house. "But you will need a bed." And they got more sticks and the squirrel cut them to size with his teeth and they lashed them together with more vines to make the frame and they got pine needles for a mattress and horse hairs form the valley and wove them into a blanket. And...

At that point I noticed she was asleep [I don't blame her. Ed. (Mari)]. And figuring that it sounded like my gnome had got himself sorted out well enough at this stage, and could do without me, I kissed Josephine goodnight and left her slumbering.

Parent Teacher Night

On Monday we had our first real Parent/Teacher night. Tony and I both had appointments with the classroom teacher, the Hebrew teacher and the sports teacher.

When we got there we were scheduled to see the sports teacher first, but of course, as these things usually go, everyone was running late. We actually saw the classroom teacher first and got a low-down of how Josie is doing in class. We were told that she is a bright and happy girl, very eager to learn and loves the activities and being with her friends. She said her attention is getting better focused and she is doing amazing things with her writing/journaling and spelling.

We were given her journal to have a look at, and her worksamples folder to take home.

Her journal was simply incredible. Each page had a drawing and a sentence underneath. She was writing (by herself) things like "I went to the park with my cat Zelda and I had an ice cream". And on a couple of pages "I went to Rachel's house and Benny hurt me" ;-) I am sure it was not unprovoked. We were just blown away with her writing and spelling!

Her worksamples folder included various assessments she had, to test her pattern matching and comprehension and counting etc. It was incredible to look at. We were meant to go through all the assessments with her at home and fill in an evaluation with her. Below are her Comprehension Q's and after that the evaluation questions we filled in together.

Comprehension Questions

Who is the main character in the story?
a chicken

What is the little red hen baking ?
Bread.

Why do you think the animals didn't want to help the little red hen ?
He had so many stuff to do.

Where do you think the story takes place?
In a book.

Where do you think all the animals are?
In the story.

What do you think the story is trying to teach you?
Reading.

Seriously.

Those were her answers. No joke. Its stuff you read about on those emails you get sent from 5 different people in the space of a few hours.

Evaluation Questions

What am I most proud of?
Me doing good work.

Did I achieve my goals?
Yes.

What would I like to improve on?
Painting, learning & I want to do 'going to school' better.

Hehe..

Anyway.. so after the classroom teacher we saw the Hebrew teacher who also said that she was doing very well, was recognising letters and sounds and words. She asked us if Josie was using hebrew at home at all and we told ehr that 80% of her awake time is spent singing. In hebrew, in english, in Josie-nese.

After that we managed to grab the sports teacher but he was't able to tell us much. With so many kids he really had no idea who was who, all he could tell us was that so far in Kindy, he had noticed no kids with any problems with any of the skills they were learning.

So that was our first Parent/Teacher night. It was good to hear how she was doing.

And to finish off, here is an exchange I had with Jose a couple of weeks ago:

I had bought her a Dora umbrella. We all know how much she loves Dora. Or so we thought. As I handed her the new umbrella, her face fell and she said: "You know mum, it doesnt have to be Dora ALL the time!!".

And then she rolled her eyes at me.

When did she turn 13?!

Anniversary the 10th: A Bisaster of Epic Proportions Pt5

Welcome back to the stunning conclusion to our tawdry tale of woe-begotten wallies. In this the final double-episode there will be revelations, intimations and in the end abrogation of aspirations as we let go of our desire to break out of the rut of 15 years solid routine and settle back into the comfortable buttock-groove of our sedentary natures.

Without further ado let's jump right into the first part of our finale:
Episode 5: Reasonable Precautions (plus Tea-time for Hitler)

Gathering up the small amount of luggage I had brought up to the house before the revelation of the brown water, we returned to the car, loaded up and, leaving the key under the BBQ hood, set out one final time in search of shelter, arriving finally, after 18-odd hours, at the place which we would call home for... well for a fairly short period of time at this point. As we pulled into the driveway next door I was once more struck by the beauty one can find in the absence of filthy, spider-infested trees.

The house was directly opposite the driveway and only minimally encroached by tree. It was a single story, wooden affair with a large central living, dining & kitchen area separating wings to the left and right; each containing 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom and an en suite off one of the bedrooms. Best of all the Port Wing (in the absence of any idea of the direction the house was aligned to I'm going nautical) was that closest to the car park and virtually devoid of tree or shrubbery. We quickly decided upon sleeping in this section of the house and shunning the Starboard and, no-doubt, incursion-threatened wing. After checking all windows and ensuring all were closed and locked, I went back out to the car (which I had temporarily parked outside the house in the shade of the many-tree'd - but noticeably webless - section of the grounds) and began bringing in the luggage for what I prayed would be the last time.

While I was about this, Mari and Josie had the opportunity to begin exploring the house in greater detail and what wonders they did find. Firstly while the original house had been very modern-looking and very well kept, this house had an air of being much more "purpose-built". The purpose being to get a good return on investment rather than premium experience for the occupants. The floors were of varnished particle board (and pretty thin particle board at that) over joists raised above the ground. The kitchen wasn't yet completed; the gaping hole in the floor-cabinets awaiting the dishwasher that was surely on order and the skirting missing from one section of wall. The rough, unfinished wooden pillar in the middle of the living area featured a light-switch which did nothing (the 10 cent piece sized hole in the floor at its foot mute evidence of the vagaries of building contractors in the area or at least their electrician sub-contractors) and the double beds in the two main bedrooms turned out to be two singles pushed together.

Additionally the lighting while plentiful, was rather ineffective. After turning on all the lights I could find (about 12 would you believe in the living area alone) the place was only marginally brighter than your average coal mine. Looking out the back sliding, glass doors I found an enormous window complete with glass and metal frame leaning up against the back of the building and a bunch of half used paint tubs, bricks and other building errata laying outside the back door.

Clearly this one was a work in progress.

By contrast the house next door which we had originally been slated for was a palace and had obviously been bought by the retreat to offer at a substantial premium over their other... abodes. Presumably they had picked it up at a bargain price after the owners had fled the campaign of terror inflicted upon them by the horrors in the trees.

At the end of the day however (and given our desire to avoid still being in search of accommodation by the end of another day) it was a big, roomy house with a large living area you could relax and stretch out in. The high ceilings enhanced the feeling of space and ensured that if there was an incursion, the distance from us to the Abomination(s) would be maximized, and the wall of windows at the front of the living area ensured maximum sunlight in the 1st half of the day (the mountain at the house's back ensured gloom for the remainder) and afforded a picturesque view of the fields, river and mountain opposite. In a gargantuan act of mental agility to rival the laws of fluid dynamics I embraced the new environs and set about retrieving the last of the gear from the car, instructing Mari to ensure that she kept all bags closed to avoid nasty surprises (which she ignored, to my aggravation, for the rest of the weekend).

After leaving Mari and Josie to sort out all the paraphernalia we had brought with us, I took the car down to the car park, selected a spot exactly equidistant from the trees at either end and set about implementing a few "reasonable precautions". Retrieving the professional grade creepy-crawly killer from the boot, I set about spraying a meter-wide swath of arachnid death around the car, proceeding on to the gaps between the doors and the body of the car, the under-side of the body, the wheel-arches and the bottom edge of the entire frame. Satisfied with the protections now enswathing the car I moved onto the house where I sprayed the door and window-frames and the landing outside the door (which I now saw had an enormous gap underneath just begging to be violated by creeping horrors). Returning to the in of doors I found Mari and Josie relaxing on the couch, the one reading a "woman's magazine" and the other playing her DS.

Sweaty, grubby and insect poison encrusted, I grumbled my way to the bathroom where I proceeded to shower and change, making a mental division between the last 19hours and the next. The holiday from hell was over and a new day was to begin. Well, the late afternoon of a new day at least.

Emerging from my cocoon cleansed and in fresh threads I joined my lovely wife and progeny in the living room. Seating myself upon the second leather couch (at least the furniture in this joint was superior to the other place) I faced my family and waited for my presence to be acknowledged. Giving up after 5 minutes of oblivious magazine reading and game playing I said:
"So, what are we going to do now?"
"Relax"
"That's it?"
"That's it"
"We could have stayed in Sydney for that!"
"It's not relaxing at home. I feel like I should be doing housework"
"You don't do housework"
"Yes but I always feel like I should be"
"How about we go to dinner?"
"Sure"
"Ooooooookay, I'll just organise that shall I?"
"Yup"
This entire conversation occurs without eyes being raised from the thrilling adventures of celebrities played out upon the glossy pages of No Idea and Womens Weakly.

I must admit here that the crack about housework was entirely apocryphal and I was expecting an angry retort rather than the witty response I did receive. In fact while we do have cleaners come once a month the bulk of the rest of the housework is done by Mari. Too often including my jobs as well.

Since the info sheet with the number of the retreat people was in the car and I couldn't be bothered going out to get it, I rang information and got the number of the restaurant which had been the original reason for my organizing a trip to Wisemans Ferry in the first place. See, a co-worker of Mat's had heard him speak of the Swiss Eiger we go to regularly in Sydney and had mentioned a Swiss restaurant in Wisemans Ferry that was supposed to be very good. It was called the Forgotten Valley Swiss Restaurant and apparently had a B&B attached to it. So I did a search on www.whitepages.com.au for "Forgotten Valley", finding the retreat listed and booked via email. So I get the number from information and give it a whirl.

The line was answered after a brief period of overheard laughter by an amused lady who had obviously been having a joke with someone on their end. I asked if we needed a booking (how many people could there possibly be looking for a night out here!?) and was told, in a tone full of mirth, "oh yes, every time the phone rings my husband interrogates me." As she said it my eyes happened to fall upon the woodbox (for storage of, not made of, although it was) by the front door. And I noticed with alarm that it was covered in swastikas!

The words Swiss, interrogate & a swastika flashed in my minds eye repeatedly and, remembering an old routine of Robin Williams' I was momentarily thankful we did not own a BMW.

Slightly put off I stammered out a request for a table for 3 for 5:30pm and figuring, while I have her on the phone, I may as well ask for directions rather than wander around the grounds looking for the restaurant I inquired as to the location of the place. And was asked which bank of the river we were on. Like I had any idea. Realising that she had no way of knowing we were staying at the retreat and that she was likely thinking farther afield I informed her that we were guests of the retreat. And was told to catch the ferry to the other side of the river, turn right and go about 600m down the road. Turns out the Forgotten Valley Swiss Restaurant has nothing whatsoever to do with the Forgotten Valley Retreat. Not only that but once I explained the confusion she seemed quite amused that we were staying there and asked if there were many people at the retreat at the moment. In a tone that spoke volumes. An encyclopedic number of volumes filled with tales of woe and sadness and people to be pitied.

Thanking the lady vaguely I hung up and related the wealth of knowledge with which I had been impregnated in the short phone conversation. My long-suffering wife was less than surprised to learn of my incompetence anew at finding the correct accommodation and unsurprisingly alarmed at the decorations upon the wood box.

Thinking it must simply be some generic pattern that some young punk had scraped the paint off of the parts that resembled swastikas we took a closer look. And found that no in fact it was actually a generic pattern surrounding very clearly defined and purposely included swastikas. Thinking this quite odd, slightly disturbing but vastly less interesting than the rumbling in our stomachs, we exchanged shrugs and went to get the Spudlette ready for the journey to dinner.

Leaving the house I looked about the landing in the hopes of seeing some evidence that my defenses were working. Alas there were no bodies of Abominations upon the stoop to sate my blood lust. Making our way down to the car I instructed wife and the Spudlette not to touch the car (since it was covered only a few hours previously with insect poison) and opened the doors for them.

Our journey down to the ferry was uneventful now that we had had so much experience with driving around the general area. The ferry was just arriving as we pulled up and so we proceeded onto it without much of a wait and we all had our very first car ferry experience (well I went on the ferry to Tasmania when I was 3 but of course I dont recall it). It was quite pleasant and so smooth that we were surprised to see the scenery moving and had to look back to confirm that we were indeed moving away from the near shore. Josie was very excited by this but became convinced we were going to crash as we approached the far terminal.

Disembarking at the other end we turned right, as directed, and proceeded down the road where, true to form, we drove straight past the restaurant.
To be fair the restaurant was perched atop a hill about 4 storeys above the road way, the sign was on the other side of the road and the light was fading (since the mountains on the east and west of the valley meant late sunrises and early sunsets) so it was only once we were right up on the sign that we could see that it did indeed say "Forgotten Valley Swiss". But by that time of course the driveway was past.

Following a brief repeat of the u-turn discussion (see Part 1) I turned around, located the driveway and drove up the steep slope to the restaurant car park.

Whilst it was perched amongst the woods of the mountain, there was enough space cleared that there was no imminent danger of infestation by the Horrors. Upon exiting the vehicle I turned around and immediately saw to my later self-flagellation that the B&B that was attached to the restaurant was the top two floors of the same damned building! And, that there was a third floor that seemed to contain a single penthouse type room (it was a large building with a peaked roof) which would have offered absolutely stunning views to any competent enough to secure lodgings there. I pointed it out to Mari and received my well-earned look of disgust as reward.

As we approached the restaurant Josie went ahead and Mari, of course, began snapping photos of her. After a minute one of the proprietors came out and offered to take a photo of us all with the vista of the river and mountain afforded by the height of the location as backdrop. After taking the pic we entered and were seated at a nice table with a wonderful view of the valley beyond the window. We were just admiring the interior decoration and commenting on the differences between this place and the Eiger in Sydney when the waitress brought over the specials of the day and we nearly burst into gales of laughter. The days specials were almost identical to the specials the Eiger commonly offers and written in chalk upon a portable blackboard exactly as the Eiger people do. Complete with little illustration of Swiss origin.

I was sorely tempted to order my usual (Beef Burgundy half Spatzle/half Roesti) Eiger meal in order to compare the two but finally decided to instead partake of a meal the Eiger does not offer (Gypsy Roast Beef). For the first time I managed to resist the urge to get the Pea and Ham soup as entree (it always fills me up too much to finish my main) while Mari enjoyed her usual Swiss entree of fried Camembert and did have the Beef Burgundy for main.

The food was good, the child well behaved and the conversation of people around us yobbish. The music was very Swiss sounding but also very different from the Eiger where I seem to recall more polkas being in evidence. Dessert was Apple Strudel for me and neither of us can remember what Mari had (being that she has blocked out the whole weekend and it evidentally wasn't something I wanted some of). Finishing our meals we paid up, drove back to the ferry and crossed once more, in serene stillness, the calm waters of the Hawksbury river.

Driving back to our lodgings in the half darkness was quick and painless this time and while I couldn't see precisely where the outline of death was that I should park the car within, I trusted to the bathing the exterior had gotten to protect it from intrusion during the night. Entering the house I set about getting the TV/DVD situation sorted out while Mari took Josie for a shower and bedtime clothing change. I was pleased to discover that they had hooked up the foxtel with every channel available and settled back to watch some scifi channel before Mari emerged and tagged me in to handle the putting to bed of the little one while she went to organize the long-awaited spa-bath. Unexpectedly she lay still for her story reading and went to sleep straight after without the usual protracted attempts to refrain from doing so.

I emerged from the sleeping section and settled onto the couch next to a very grumpy looking Mari.
"What's up? We going to have a bath?"
"NO! @#$% waters brown!"
"Oh FFS!"
"Yup"
Shaking my head I asked her what she wanted to watch and started flicking channels while she wrapped up her magazine reading. While not actually stopping her magazine reading she proceeded to criticize every selection I made of the tv programs on offer and threaten to not stay up with me (and read her magazine) if I did not put on a DVD (that she had not had any input into the selection thereof and would undoubtedly not approve of). In the end I took the magazine away from her and tossed it accross the room at which point she agreed to properly contribute to the evenings entertainment choices. Now here's a perfect example of the differing (and unexpectedly so) natures of myself and my lovely wife. I suggested 50 First Dates as it is one of our favourite movies and a romantic, soppy one with a tear-jerking ending to boot and I thought it a perfect choice for our 10th Anniversary night movie. Mari chose Constantine, "cos I haven't seen it for ages" and wasn't moved in the least by my suggestions along the lines of the above in favour of 50 First Dates.

So, Constantine it was. Unfortunately 15minutes in Mari threw her magazine (she had retrieved it while I was up putting the DVD in the machine) down on the coffee table and stated "I'm sorry Tony, I'm just knackered. I've got to go to bed." I followed her in, tucked her into bed and went back out to the living room with an admonishment not to stay up too late. I returned to the living room, opted not to continue watching Constantine in a dark, creaky house in the middle of the pitch-black woods and instead began flicking channels on the foxtel, discovering in the process that the movie channels were not hooked up to the retreats tab and nor were the "adult channels". I watched a couple of scifi channel shows, an NBA game and the last 45minutes of a movie on the free movie channel I can't for the life of me recall before stumbling across an interesting-looking movie on SBS about a woman stranded in the desert of North-Eastern Africa when her husband dies after dragging her, her mother and her daughter out there for some stupid reason. It's called House of Sand and an intriguing mechanism they employed was that at 2 or 3 points in the narrative a significant amount of time elapses (10years, 20years) and the actresses playing the mother and the protagonist shift down one place (so the actress originally playing the protagonist is now playing her daughter - now grown to womanhood herself - and the actress originally playing her mother is now playing the part of the protagonist). I liked the movie very much. It was very well acted and shot and very sad and poignant. I have a masochistic tendency which draws me to the bitter-sweet stories of love won but lost or of the endurance of the harsh struggle through the vagaries of circumstance leaving only the few short twilight years to share what should have been a lifetimes companionship. Happiness sometimes overshadowed, sometimes sharpened by regret.

Finally at 2am I retired to my throne with The Deathly Hallows before heading wearily to bed. On the way I stopped in to check on Josie (as I had done about 6 times already) and what do you know but theres a bloody spider on the curtain in her room. Luckily far away from her bed and also luckily not a big, hairy one. It's a large, thin-legged, thin-bodied one kind of like the arachnid equivalent of a stick-insect. I retrieve Josie from her bed and deposit her in with her mother before doing a tour of the house to check the doors and windows before bed. Checks complete I retire to bed and fall asleep remarkably quickly despite the spider in the other room. Only the big, hairy ones bother me especially.

Episode 6: River Cruise To Nowhere (The Journey Home)

Next morning we rose (well they rose and I slept in), packed and leaving the baggage in the living room headed out for a final outing to see if we could track down the river cruises advertised on a large banner attached to the mountain wall along the road into town. After driving up and down the main street a few times we spotted an information sign outside a building featuring various offices and a nick-knack shop. We turned into the driveway and proceeded to the back parking lot where we saw another information sign nailed to the wall outside a restaurant tucked away at the back of the block. Mari went in to find out if they knew where the cruises left from and came back out and said that they said information was to be gotten from the nick-knack shop out the front. Why they had an information sign on their wall was a mystery at this point.

We pulled back out of the driveway and parked on the street outside the shop. Mari headed in and came back out saying that the cruise was leaving right now but that the guy in the shop was calling the captain to see if they had left yet as they often didn't leave for 10mins after the official time to wait for stragglers and that I should go in and pay as she had left her wallet back at the house. I went in and after 5mins of waiting for the phone to ring the guy decided we'd better just go down to the dock and tell them Brian said we could pay after the cruise. If we were to make it in time that is. We headed on down to the dock but could not spot a cruise-sized boat and proceed on to the public ferry dock right next door to inquire of the staff there if the ferry had left. They pointed back toward the private dock and said "yeah there it goes now". We turned around to see a cruise-sized boat leaving the dock we had just departed. Looking at each other we decided that this was indeed a fitting way to end our disastrous anniversary weekend and headed back up the main road. As we neared the information offices I suggested we have lunch in the restaurant we had found out back and securing consent I turned in and parked once more out back.

Settling ourselves at a table out on the back veranda we were pleasantly surprised to find it two storeys off the ground and open to a beautiful view of the valley. The weather was the best it had been all weekend and the air was clean and fresh. We wiled away the late morning in pleasant conversation while the Spudlette played her DS or did some coloring in. I drew a pony for her. Mamma drew a mutant Yak for her (also meant to be a pony). Immediately upon being seated I noticed the cruise ship standing anchor in the river only about 50 meters up river of the dock it had left from and every now and then I would turn around and look out over the river and see that it had not moved an inch. Pointing this out to Mari we were suddenly glad that we had not taken the River Cruise To Nowhere and had instead landed here on this pleasant veranda overlooking the valley. When I think back on that weekend now the first memory that springs to my mind is not the disasters or the horrors or even the eventual meal at the Swiss place that was the origin of the choice of location. The first memory is of that morning/afternoon we spent on the veranda in the bright morning sunlight and cool mountain air overlooking the valley. It was our little family at its best. Sitting relaxed and well fed in lovely weather enjoying each other's company. I really couldn't ask for more than that at this stage of our lives. Maybe I will want something more adventurous when Josie tears my heart, beating from my chest and leaves home but for right now I just want to sit and relax in the company of my wife and child.

If this were a movie that would have been the perfect image to fade out on. But life is seldom as well directed as a movie and so it was that the weather turned and it began to rain sending us scurrying inside with the remains of our mains. Boom boom. But it was a pleasantly hard rain that brought with it a nice strong breeze that further cleared the air. Customers came and went, the place never more than half full, and we were content to remain and idly chat and play with Josie as time seemingly passed us by.

Finally we rose, paid our bill, returned to retrieve our stuff from the retreat and left Wisemans Ferry contented and happy in the end just to be together.

The End.