As you may have noticed by the last post, she loves making calls. And she knows my mobile number. This makes trying to work a little difficult.
Josie has been a bit sick since the weekend. On Saturday she woke up with a sore throat, and then on Sunday she had a 39 degree fever. Hence it was decided to keep her home. On Monday she spent the day with Baba, and today she was with Granny.
So today I get a phone call from my daughter.
Mari: Hello?
Josie: Mum?
Mari: Yes?
Josie: Listen, Granny is being mean. I want to go to [muffled sound]
I need to explain at this point that Josie doesn't yet know how to hold the phone properly. She holds it far too close to her mouth and speaks far too loudly, which makes her very hard to understand.
Mari: You want to go to what??
Josie: [muffled sound with an exclamation]
Mari: I can't understand you Jose, you need to hold the phone further from your mouth and speak quieter.
Josie: I want to go to [mflflfthf]
Mari: Josie, give the phone to Granny.
Josie: No.
Mari: Well I can't understand you.
Josie: Ok fine!
Granny: Hello?
Mari: She is holding the phone incorrectly, I can't make out what she is saying.
Granny: I know.
Mari: You need to show her how to hold the phone.
Granny: I will.
Mari: Where does she want to go?
Granny: Phillipa's house. [Next door neighbour] Phillipa was sitting outside in the backyard and Henry [her son, born a week before Josie] is sick and is at home today too. Josie wants to go over there but I have said no.
Mari: Right, can you show her how to hold the phone properly and I will talk to her.
[Granny shows Josie how to hold the phone]
Josie: Mum? [Slightly more coherent]
Mari: Yes?
Josie: Granny won't let me go to Phillipa's.
Mari: I know. You can't go to Phillipa's because Henry is sick, and you are sick, and I don't want you getting sicker.
Josie: I am NOT sick!
Mari: You were sick, but you are a lot better now, but Henry is sick, and I don't want you catching anything from him.
Josie: Mum! I am NOT sick!
Mari: Ok, I know you are not, but Henry IS!
Josie: [Silence]
Josie: Ok FINE!
Mari: [Inner triumph!]
Mari: Right, now give the phone to Granny.
Josie: No.
Mari: Josie I need to speak to Granny, and I need to get back to work.
Josie: FINE! But I am going to call you later!
Mari: [Laughing] Ok!
So she gives the phone to Granny, we talk and then I go back to work.
About two hours later, I get another call.
Mari: Hello?
Josie: Mum?
Mari: Yes?
Josie: Granny is messy! And Rascal.. is crazy!
Mari: [burst out laughing] Yes, ok, but Jose, I cant be talking to you all day, I have to work!
Josie: But I told you I would call you later!
Mari: I know, but this isn't that much later!
Josie: MUM!!!
Mari: Ok, is there anything else you would like to tell me?
Josie: Uhm.. no..
Mari: Ok, then give the phone to Granny.
Josie: No.
Mari: Josie..
Josie: FINE!
Another quick chat and I was back to work..
A few hours later, my phone rings again..
Mari: Hello?
Josie: Mum?
Mari: Yes... ?
Josie: Now that Granny is not being Bossy... [click]
The phone goes dead.. I wait with baited breath..
[Ring...]
Mari: Hello?
Josie: Mum?
Mari: Yessss...... ?
Josie: Mum, as I was saying.. I took that thing out of my ear.. you know that thing.. what is it called?
Mari: Uhm.. the phone?
Josie: No Mum [exasperated], I don't put the phone IN my ear.. [I could just feel her rolling her eyes at me]..
Mari: Uhm.. the thing to hear the phone? Are you talking about the headset?
Josie: No mum! You know. The thing!
Mari: Jose, I have no idea what you are talking about.
Josie: [deep sigh, obviously Mummy is not firing on all cylinders]
{Slight detour here, I just turned to Tony cause I couldn't remember what the end of that expression was, firing on all.. ?, I thought it was firing on all fours, this led to about 5 minutes of hysterics from myself and Tony.. and now on with the story}
Josie: [Implied anyway..] It was a hundred and four..
Granny: [in the background] Don't tell your mother that, she'll be in hysterics! And it was a hundred POINT four!
Mari: Oh right! You are talking about the thermometer!
Josie: Yes! I was a hundred point four!
[Mummy twigs that this is probably in farenheit]
[Mummy sets about finding out what 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit is in Celsius, turns out to be 38 degrees]
Granny: [in the background] Josie, you are ok.
Josie: I am NOT ok! I am 100.4!
Mari: Uhm 38, thats not so good.. Josie tell Granny thats not so good.
Josie: Granny, its 38! Its not so good!
Mari: Ok Jose, its time to give the phone to Granny.
Josie: Fine!
Granny: The thermometer seems to be stuck in Fahrenheit and I don't know how to fix it.
Mari: So it might not even be 100.4? How does she feel?
Granny: She feels fine.
And so endeth the phone call.
A little bonus, Granny tells me she has been very talkative all day. Nothing new there:
Josie: Granny, I am NOT impressed with your behaviour!
Josie seems to be ok now. Hopefully will go to school tomorrow. They have an excursion tomorrow so hopefully she will be ok to go to that.
And now for a word from Tony..
Voicemail From a 5 Year Old
======================
One on my mobile:
Josie: Huh?!
Granny: You have to leave a message.
Josie: Ok well let's leave a message [in a tone to mean: "Well if you know what we have to do why aren't we doing it already?!?"]
Granny: You can't now, you've got to press..
Josie: >click<
One on my work VM:
Josie: [clearly infuriated] That! Lady is STUPIDDDD!
Granny: [patiently] It's not a lady it's a recorded message
Josie: >click<
I'm awesome!... or not.
=================
I recently decided to break my self-imposed ban on playing one of Josie's games on the DS. It's called Wario World Touched and I had heretofore resisted it because it is a collection of simple intuitive games of the type that I generally ridicule Mari for playing and didn't want to:
a) give up this favorite past-time or
b) give her the ammo to return fire.
Also I knew I would become addicted to it.
Unable to stop, despite the screams emanating from the little barred and locked room in the dark recesses of my soul in which the emaciated form of my free-will lays imprisoned; casualty of the consumer-wars.
So I'm playing this stoopid game and at first it's kicking my ass (I'm lame) but no damned machine is going to beat me!!! (I bare the scars psychological of a prolonged stint in software support) so I knuckle down and slowly the tide starts to turn until finally I claw my wretched and unwilling way to the Boss Level where upon I am presented with..... a bunch of little flies... no they're too small for flies... gnats.. a bunch of gnats I have to squish with the stylus without hitting the screen too much because each hit makes the "glass" "crack" and if you hit it to often it will smash and you lose.
Well I squished the ever-luvin' crap outta those damned gnats. HA! Boss my ass! At which point I raised my voice in victory and shouted my triumph into the wind (Josie has been self-amusingly flatulent lately)!
Tony: I'm AWESOME!!!!!
Josie: [immediately, with emasculating matter-of-factness and without even looking up from what she is doing] No you're not.
And there was silence but for the barely audible sobs from the darkness beyond the bars.
For an artist's representation of the above scenario, see below.
1 comment:
Well .. you got told.
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