Dreams That Make You Cry

So the other night I am dreaming and, as you do, I suddenly realised that my Dumachka (which is a little square pillow that I use on top of my regular pillow, don't ask, all Kleytmans have always used them), was an onion. Yes, an onion. And you know, I didn't want to put my head on an onion, cause you know, they smell, so I moved the 'onion' up above and to the left of my head. But when I put my head down, there was no Dumachka, and I was uncomfortable, so then I realised that the onion, was in fact my Dumachka, I moved it back and all was right with the world.

The End.

So.. Dream Doctors.. what does it all MEAN ?!

Don't Strangle Granny!

On the car ride home from Baba's:

Josie: Daaad, the other day I was on the grass and I was booored so Granny said I could run across the road really fast.

Tony: What the hell?!

Josie: It's ok, I ran really fast!

Tony: *fails to find the power of speech through the red haze of rage*

Josie: *babbles incessantly about various things for a while*.....daddy?...DADDY?!

Tony: What?!

Josie: Are you Listening?!

Tony: No. I'm thinking about what I'm going to do about Granny.

Josie: What are you going to do?

Tony: I'm thinking about strangling her.

Josie: Daddy! What have I told you about strangling Granny?!

Tony: ....nothing, it hasn't ever come up as yet.

Josie: well...add that. Don't strangle Granny!

Tony: I'll try to restrain myself.

Turn your face away, ask me a question

Just a quick one today.

So we went to the movies tonight, my lovely wife and I, and saw Vampires Suck (note to parody-ists: you need to be better than the thing you are making fun of - score: C- occasionally funny) and Sorcerer's Apprentice (quite good).

Right in the middle of reading the cast credits Mari turns to me (away from the credits up on the big screen) and says "so who played Morgana?".

Realising her mistake (as I burst out laughing) she turns back in time to miss the name as it slides off-screen.

Priceless.

Those Crazy Cushion Eating People!

So Mari is telling me about Becka doing the 40-hour famine soon, and how she can give up two other things rather than food.

Mari: So she's giving up talking and furniture.

Tony (twirling a string with a weight around): Furniture. Where's she going to sleep?

Mari: On the floor.

Tony: On the floor.

Mari: Yeah.

Tony: How Amish of her.

Mari: More like Mediterranean.

Tony (still twirling): Uhhhh.

Mari: You know, those people that sleep on the floor.

Tony: They don't sleep on the floor in the Mediterranean.

Mari: The Japanese!

Tony (still twirling): They don't sleep on the floor either.

Mari: The, the, the....

Tony: You're thinking of homeless people!

Mari: No, like the people who eat on cushions!

Tony (the twirling gets wobbly): Theeee what now?

Mari: You know! They eat on cushions!

Tony: The food is on the cushions?

Mari: Noooo (like THAT is just noodle doodle!), THEY sit on the cushions!

Tony: Where is the food?

Mari: ....I dunno

Tony: But you sai..

Mari: Moroccans!!!!

Tony (the weight hits the floor): ......I have to blog this.

Josie is Officially off the Market

We have always said that Josie and Joshy were gonna eventually marry. Its totally on the cards.

Especially after this exchange between Josh and his mother:

Josh & Ines are at Ines' bed.

Joshy: I love your bed mummy, its so big! And you have two pillows! I wish I had two pillows!

Ines: Well no Josh, there's only one of you, you dont need two pillows.

Joshy: But I want two pillows ;-(

Ines: Well when you get married, you can have two pillows.

Joshy: Married? Like to Josie?

[Josh claps his hand to his mouth and giggles]

I think the deal is done now.

Ines, David, what kind of dowry are you guys expecting? We have no goats, but I can provide two cats, one slightly used, and the other well used ;-)

Mr Mom Epic Fail

This morning was one of those rare mornings when I am on child duty; get her up, dressed, teeth & hair brushed etc.

So I did all of the above, and even managed to brush and tie up her hair, and got her to school (only 20-odd minutes late - I can hear the gasps of disapproval from my maternal audience already) without any arguments or tantrums, from either of us.

45mins later I'm sitting at my desk at work feeling pleased with myself when I receive a call from my suspiciously chipper wife. I then have a couple of microseconds to think to myself "she sounds happy, she must be ringing to compliment me on doing such a great job that allowed her to get such a refreshing rest." before she asks (in an increasingly worrying sunny voice) "hello husband, so...what did you make Josie for her lunch today?".

Oh crap, "er..."

"Mmhmm. And recess?"

Double crap! "I-I-I... er... well..."

"Mmmmm. Aaaaaand nibble?"

Ahhhh frak me!!! "*whimper*"

In contrast to her hopelessly useless father my offspring managed to discover her lack of foodage, take herself off to the office and ring her mother to complain about the terrible staff & services offered at Shez Hill this morning, "definitely not up to snuff you must agree my good woman." and all such.

I'm sure you all agree.

Caution: Proliferate Use of the F Word Ahead

The other day Josie & Daddy were playing Mario Kart on the Wii when Josie is run off the road by Bowser.

Josie: Fuck!
Tony: Josie!
Josie: Naaaooooo I didnt say 'Fucken' I said "Fuck"
Tony: Fuck is rude!
Josie: Noooo "Fucken" is rude! Not "Fuck"!
Tony (now starting to hesitate to keep saying the word): ...F...Fuck is also rude.
Josie: No it's not! It's "Fucken" *pronounced very clearly as if daddy is retarded* is the rude one!
Tony: Sweetie you know the word "throw"?
Josie: yeah
Tony: and "throwing"?
Josie: yeaaah? *again like Daddy is retarded and is not making any kind of sensible point*
Tony: and you know the "ing" in "throwing" is just the word "throw" with "ing" added on the end?
Josie: yeeeesssss *becoming testy with daddy's mental limitations*
Tony: so if "throwing" was rude then it's not going to be the "ing" bit that is rude is it? "ing" doesn't mean anything by itself does it?
Josie: nooooooo *as if daddy is the most obtuse, obvious man in history*
Tony: So It would be the "throw" part that was rude right?
Josie: Yeah *of course you silly little man*
Tony: well some people say "en" instead "ing"
Josie [mouths "fucken" and "fucking" a couple of times, gasps and looks at Daddy, stricken]: I didn't know!
Tony: Really.
Josie [looking embarrassed and sad to have lost an argument with Daddy, mumbles]: someone told me
Tony: who?
Josie [rolling her eyes]: you don't want to hear it
Tony: Oh I really really do
Josie: Paris *as if this was eminently obvious*

Meanwhile Mummy is sitting at her computer, safely hidden, wetting herself laughing.

An Update - Finally!

So much happening, and really, I have lost the enthusiasm for blogging.

So lets see, we have new house, new kitten, new school. We've gone to the Gold Coast, we've lost our cameras, we've BBQd (a lot) and we've gotten used to new surroundings.

So after a long an arduous search, losing two houses in the process, we finally secured a new house last month. We are in the eastern suburbs still, in a lovely 3 bedroom townhouse. Upstairs has 3 bedrooms, a bathroom and a WC, as well as a ladder up into the attic in the roof. Downstairs is the living room, dining area and kitchen, as well as a laundry, toilet and nice, manageable courtyard. We moved in a few days before Xmas and then frantically cleaned and unpacked so as to have the downstairs ready for guests on Boxing Day. The house is in a gorgeous complex of townhouses, with a central grassed area and gazebo, and heaps of kids for Josie to play with. She is very happy with our new home, mainly cause all of a sudden she has lots of kids to play with at home, a huge area to play in, lots of dogs, and freedom and independence. It has been very challenging for her to adjust to this new found freedom. She hasn't really known how to handle it, to know what is and isnt appropriate, but she seems to be getting there.

Zakhari, on the other hand, has suddenly found himself for the first time, with stairs. He is climbing them slowly, he is old and has back problems, and he tends to stay downstairs a lot, but he seems to also be liking the extra space. He has even ventured into the courtyard a couple of times (under supervision of course).

Tony and I, meanwhile, are insanely happy to be out of the renting game, and the rut we found ourselves in. I will post some photos of the new place soon. In the move we have lost our cameras unfortunately. I have a new one now, but haven't gotten round to taking some nice photos of the house set up.

Which brings me to the new kitten. We felt that after Zelli's passing, Zak needed a companion. So we started looking for some nice, quiet, passive breeds. We looked at Ragdolls and we looked at British Tabbys mostly, and we found Zoe, who is a British Tabby. She is black with silver streaks and is just over 12 weeks old. Being a kitten, she is quite insane ;-) The first week she and Zak basically hissed at eachother. She stopped hissing first though, and kept trying to come up to him and smell him. He is still a bit stand offish, although this morning I saw him try to groom her for the first time, which is a good sign ;-)

Josie is loving the new kitten. Zak and Zelli were already adults when she was born, so this is the first time she has had a kitten, and its been difficult stopping her from picking Zoe up ALL the time. Zoe doesnt seem to like being picked up. By anyone. But when she deems we have been good, she will consent to lay on our shoulders, heads, chests, and occasionally up against us. The first week she slept above Tony head on his pillow and on occasion would attack the stray hair that would offensively wave at her in the breeze from the ever constant fan in the bedroom.

And now to the new school. We made the decision after Kindy, to move Josie from the private school she was at, to a local public school. We just couldnt afford the fees anymore. She went through Year 1 at the public school, and while the education was great, some of the kids, and the interaction we had with the teachers, wasn't the same. You really can tell the difference between Private and Public school. Anyway, late last year her old private school offered a number of bursaries. We applied, were successful, and the rest is history. She is now (very happily) back at her old school. We are happy, she is happy, and our families are very happy too.

Our annual trip to the Gold Coast happened in October. We once again stayed at Q1, and this time Vika & Becca came with us. We stayed on the 33rd floor this year. Again phenomenal views, and again too many theme parks. If we go again this year, we will either cut down on theme parks, or go for two weeks. Depending on the cost.

Work has been good, my team has expanded, the work has become more complicated (thanks to SAP!), but the views are still great, and the people greater ;-)

And thats about it..

So I Married A Nerdlinger!

Tony just tried to convince me to let him buy a stupid Harry Potter Wand Duel iPhone game.

His final, last ditch effort was "C'mon! Expelliarmus baby!!!".

Nerd.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

He Said WHAT Now??

Driving home from Baba's this evening, Josie expressed concern about having to leave us when she has a boyfriend. We had a long conversation about how she would stay with us as long as she wanted to, boyfriend or no boyfriend, and that even when she has grown up she will always be able to stay with us as long as she wanted to.

And, kind of to explain where all this was coming from she went on..

Josie: Tomorrow at lunch time, Nicholas and Paris have to see the teacher.
Mari: Why?
Josie: Because.. uhm..
Mari: Are they in trouble?
Josie: Yeh, cause Paris asked Nicholas.. and he said he was going to marry me and kiss me and share sex with me. And Paris LAUGHED! So now they cant go on the walkathon tomorrow.

Mari: [at a loss for words..]

Josie: I don't want to marry Nicholas.
Mari: Thats ok sweetie, you are too young to get married, and too young for a boyfriend, so you can tell Nicholas that Mummy said No.

Achem.

As I tried to keep a strong grip on my steering wheel, my mind spun wildly out of control. Surely I dont need to have 'The Talk' with my six and a half year old?!

Moving on..

Its been a week of sadness that has gradually gotten better. I guess this is a good thing.

Last week we decided to let Josie chose whether she wanted to get her ears pierced or not. She said that she did, and was hugely excited all week.

So the big day arrived - Saturday, and after her dancing class we took her to the chemist to get her ears done. They were just brilliant in there, suggesting we have two of them do both ears at the same time. How brilliant is that??

So after spending about 10 mins picking out the earrings she wanted, Josie finally chose a pair of little pink stones.

She sat up in the chair, and the two girls, Becka and Eleni got themselves ready with the piercing guns.

Eleni to Becka: On 3?

And they both got into position.

Eleni to Josie: What year are you at school?
Josie: Year 1.
Eleni: You know what year is really good?
Josie: No which?
Eleni: Year 3!

Bang goes Eleni's gun!

We all look at Becka, who is still poised ready to go, obviously not getting Eleni's subtlety.

Tony to Becka: Go..

Bang goes Becka's gun!

We all breathe a sigh of relief. It was done, and Josie was too stunned to cry, and by the time she thought she might need to do a courtesy cry, she was just too excited about having earrings ;-)


So now we spray and rotate every day.. and she still hasn't really complained about any pain..

Go figure.. I was miserable for two days after having mine redone three months ago.. but then I am just a wuss.

RIP Zelli our Beautiful Furbaby

It breaks my heart to let you know that our beautiful Zelda passed away this morning.


Zelli was 10 and a half years old, we got her to keep Zakhari company. She was always a very nervous cat, and it took a long time to win her over, for us anyway. Zakhari and Zelda were siblings from the get-go. They played, ate and slept together every day. We always said Zelli was Zak's cat.

On Friday she started acting funny. I found her lying in places where she never lay. She was a very habitual cat and things out of the ordinary always signaled something wrong. On Friday night she peed on Tony, as we slept. The first thing that struck me was that she was lying asleep near the pee. Neither cats would ever do that. They would pee and then find somewhere else to sleep. Who ever said cats were not smart??

When we changed the sheets, the pee that Zelli had left us was bright bright yellow. More yellow than I had ever seen cat pee be. On Saturday we took her to the vet. The vet delivered the bad news that whatever it was, it was serious.

They put her on a drip, took some blood and told us to leave her there overnight for an ultrasound the next morning. The vet thought it was either heart disease, or feline flu. Either one was devastating.

This morning we got the news that Zelli had passed away during the ultrasound. There was just too much damage to her heart.

Tony and I are fairly devastated, Josie was also upset. We had the death talk with her, and asked her whether she would prefer to have Zelli buried in Granny's backyard with all of Daddy's past cats, or have her cremated and bring her home. Josie chose the burial.


Rest in Peace Zelli. We will all miss you, especially Zak.

We're On A Roll!

Daddy didn't get home from work till late so he was sitting with Josie while she went to sleep.

And after a while Daddy hears whispers from the darkness.

Josie: Daddy.. it stinks in here!
Daddy sniffs: Smells alright to me.. ?
Josie (still whispering): Must be coming from YOU then!
Daddy sniffs himself: Hmmm, could be from my feet?
Josie replies in a cheeky whisper: Nah.. I farted! *giggle*

ROFL.

To Facilitate Her Mum's Obsession..

After losing the townhouse at Botany, Tony and I agreed that we really like that street it was on and would really love to find something else there.

In order to facilitate that, we decided to write some notes to the residents across the complexes in that street (handwriting apparently attracts more attention) that announced our eagerness to buy there. After writing up about 20 of them we got bored, and decided we should just photocopy the hand written notes.

I got the photocopies done today and brought them home and the thought of having to cut up all the photocopies into the 4 notes per page was giving me chills, so, enter the 6 year old.

Mama: Hey Jose, you wanna do some cutting out for me?
Josie: Yes! Thank you Mama!!!
Mama: No no dear, thank YOU!

lol..

So after about 10 mins of cutting, Tony came home and saw what she was doing..

Daddy: You got her doing your job?!
Josie: Yeh, cause she's harvesting and stuff..

Hehehe.. well trained I say ;-)

A Personal Message to my Mother

Mum, please read below. There is a very important message I wish to impart to you..

Josie, sitting chatting with daddy, has the following conversation.

Josie: Daddy, when you and Mama got married, did Mama take your shirt off?
Tony: What?!
Josie: Did Mama take your shirt off? Did she undo your buttons.. did your shirt have buttons? Were you wearing one of those button shirts?
Tony: What are you talking about? Why would Mama take my shirt off?
Josie: To kiss you all over.. [at this point she pulls the front of Tony's shirt down to look at Tony's chest and says..] even though you are hairy everywhere?
Tony: You mean.. are you talking about when we had our wedding?!
Josie: Yeh..
And Tony thought for a minute.. and said: What have you been watching ?
To which she replied: Bold and The Beautiful with Baba.
To which he replied: MARI!!!!!!!!!

So Mum.. NO MORE Bold & The Beautiful. It is now in the same category as The News.

Geez.. sex education via US Soaps..

She Said What???

So Tony is really sick right now.. bad flu.. not the un-kosher kind..

Josie was at Baba's yesterday and was meant to come home, but we decided it was best for her not to be at home where she can catch Tony's lurgy, but should stay at Baba's overnight and then Baba & Dyeda (who is now retired!!) can drive her to Auntie Carol's place in the morning for their scheduled Big Adventure (tm).

As she was going to bed, Josie lay down, but kept tossing and turning.

Josie: I can't go to sleep!
Baba: Why not?
Josie: Because my tooth is wobbly and if I go to sleep I could swallow it and choke!
Baba: But you would be asleep, how would it come out?
Josie: Because as I sleep, my tongue might play with it and it might pop out and I might swallow it and choke!
Baba: So what are we going to do???
Josie: Hang on a minute.. Let me think..

(some time passes silently)

Josie: I know Baba.. you can take my tooth and I won't swallow it then.
Baba: But how can I take your tooth if its in your mouth??
Josie: Oh its not anymore!
[Josie hands Baba a bloody tooth]





We now have three missing teeth up top and one down the bottom. I am finding it very hard to understand what she says! And I am a little concerned at how long its taking for the top two front teeth to come out..

School Photos

Just as I was starting to wonder where Josie's School Photos got to, they arrived today!

Here is my little First Grader.

G.I. Josie

So Josie found Wolf3D on my iPhone.

We're driving through Coogee and we hear from the back of the car:

Josie: Sorry! Sorry! I have to shoot you or you'll shoot me! Argh! Sorry!

So after we recover from the fits of laughter we have the following exchange:

Daddy: Josie I don't think I want you playing that game.
Josie: why not?!
Daddy: you know you're not really shooting ppl right? It's just a picture?
Josie: yes I know that. (in the duh! What are you retarded? voice)

Time passes with much grunting and exasperated utterances when the final little perl drops out:

Josie: argh I hate this game!
Daddy: so why you playin' it?
Josie: 'Cos I love this game! I just can't always find the bad guys! I tried for ages with the blood searcher.
Daddy: the blood searcher?
Josie: yeah, the guy....blood squirting all over the place...the searcher. (In her best distracted monotone).

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

So Thats That Then..

The townhouse has sold, and not to us. It went for $582K. That's 2K above what we were going to buy it for, and 42K above what the idiot valuer valued it at. Thank you idiot valuer.

Needless to say, I am not taking it very well.

It's Saturday so we are of course house hunting again.

I didn't think I would be doing this again so soon. I can't seem to get very excited about anything though.

Oh well. That's life I guess.

Back To The Drawing Board..

So the bank valuation on the townhouse came in and it was $40K under our agreed purchase price. What this means is that the bank won't loan us enough to be able to purchase the property.

We tried renegotiating with the seller but he wouldn't budge. We needed him to come down 15-20K. We have rescinded our offer and he has relisted the property and will see how he goes.

I have a very smaller glimmer of hope that he won't find anyone willing to pay that amount and will come back to us and accept our offer.

Meanwhile we are house hunting again.

And I am just... devastated..